Bullseye!

Posted on by
Reply

bullseyeSo I just started another business today. To make a very long story short, I am confident that the people I’ll be working with know how to set and achieve their goals. I’ve been a sail without rudders, and reaching most goals for me has been only an abstract ideal.

Of course I have been quite successful in some areas of my life. Being a professional symphony musician means I’m in an elite group on par with team members of NFL or NBA teams. (Without the megamillions pay, of course.)

But since I’m in the process of changing my life and my career, there are some skills I just don’t have yet. As I tell people all the time, the skills I needed to be a successful violinist are completely the opposite of those required to actually TALK to people. When I was studying the violin, I relied on my teachers to tell me exactly what I needed to do to be successful, and it’s exactly the same in the ‘civilian’ world. The concepts are the same; it’s just the skills that are different.

goal settingMusicians are really good at repetitive practicing and prioritizing what has to be learned. I never realized that I really do know how to set goals. I do it all the time. Most of the productivity and personal development gurus use the letters SMART to explain goal setting in an easy to remember way. It’s like this –

S – Specific

In music, I know that I need to learn a passage at a specific tempo. There is usually even a metronome marking. Can’t get more specific than a beep-beep-beep-beep to keep you on track. Goals must be specific in order to be attainable. In sales, a good specific goal is to talk to X number of people today.  A non-specific goal is “I need to be more social.” If you can answer who, what, when, where, and why, it’s probably specific enough.

M – Measurable

Here again, that damned metronome comes into play. Maybe that’s why music and math go together so well. Ticket sales targets, budget targets, athletic scores – these are all measurable. Where would baseball be without all those statistics? You have to be able to measure your progress to know if you are on track to your goal.

Oh, and it helps to have someone to whom you are accountable. Like the scale at a Weight Watchers meeting. You know the drill.

A- Attainable

Ha! I probably shouldn’t be writing about this, but in the music world, unless you are Yo Yo Ma or Jascha Heifetz, some things just aren’t attainable. You always have to live with a certain degree of failure. Even so, if you give yourself enough time, and with enough effort, you can come close.

I remember the first time I tried to learn the first page of Strauss’ “Don Juan”, which is a standard audition excerpt. Early 1980’s. What a joke!  Now? I can play it, although there will always be room for improvement in my mind. Yes, it’s mindset. And after a while, your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy when it comes to designing an attainable goal. This is where personal development comes in. You really can GROW into your goals.

R- Realistic

Are you able to reach this goal? Are you willing to put in the work to reach this goal? If not, then it’s not a realistic goal for you. I can desire all I want to be a tall Swedish runway model, but it just ain’t gonna happen no matter what I do. But I can train for and complete a marathon.

The real trick here is that you don’t want to be too realistic. After all, the purpose of having goals is to stretch your wings and get out of your comfort zone. Find the balance.

T- Timely

You have to give yourself a deadline or a timeframe to complete your goal. I’m pretty good at that, since every concert is a deadline. Giving yourself a time frame helps your subconscious to start thinking creatively to help you reach your goals.

So there you have it – steps to setting goals. I’ll keep you posted on my goal setting for my new business, and how good I am at reaching those goals. In the meantime, I’d love for you to sign up for my free report, just that-a-way——->

Hit the Wall? 4 Steps to Personal Transformation

Posted on by
2

Wile E Coyote hits rock bottomThe path of personal growth and development is never smooth. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had huge mental and emotional growth spurts, followed by the overwhelming desire to sit in the closet or stare at the TV. ( or play freecell solitaire…)

We are, after all, only human. But according to Psychology Today, the desire to change your life after a traumatic experience is an almost universal phenomenon. As Steve Taylor writes,

I believe it isn’t so much cancer itself which has transformed these women, but encountering their own mortality. Through being told that they were probably going to die soon, they gained a new appreciation of life, a new sense of perspective and connection. They have realised how precious life is, how beautiful the world is, that the future and past are illusions and only the present is real.

But perhaps most importantly, confronting death has had the effect of dissolving their ‘psychological attachments.’ As human beings, it’s normal for us to depend on a lot of external things for our sense of identity and well-being – our status and success, our possessions and wealth, our hopes and ambitions, our appearance, the knowledge we’ve accumulated, and so on. We feel like we’re ‘someone’ because of these ‘attachments.’

So you know you’re on the right path. But what happens when you get off to a great start, but hit a wall? How can you pick yourself up and get going again? We always hear that it’s not how many times to fall, but how many times you get back up. You can look at these 4 steps to get back on the right track:

  • Start where you’re at.

  • Define your goals.

  • Focus positively on what you want.

  • Take personal responsibility for change.

Let’s take a look at each of these.

Start where you’re at.

There is no shortcut here. You must accept where you are in order to make personal changes. The classic example is waiting to lose weight until you buy new clothes. Waiting “until” is just an excuse to put off doing what you know you should do. Learn to forgive yourself for what you think are your own shortcomings, and move on.

Correctly assessing where you are is like making a road map for your success. How can you tell how much more money you should make if you don’t know what shape your finances are in now? Why should you try to be happier if you can’t admit to yourself that you are miserable in your job? And if you’re not sure where you are, just get out of the car and ask for directions!

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.

~Lewis Carroll 

Define your goals.

Goal setting is crucial to getting where you want to go. If you didn’t set goals for yourself, it would be like starting out on a cross-country trip without a road map. Focus your goals, make them definable so you know when you have achieved them. “Run 4 times this week” is a measurable, achievable goal. “Exercise more” is too nebulous and really can’t be measured.

Decide on some goals, then try to laser focus them to make them definable. Set deadlines, and make yourself accountable. Start with small steps while you are developing your goal-setting muscles so you can get used to the process.

 A goal is a dream with a deadline.

 ~Napoleon Hill

Focus positively on what you want.

target fixationIn the motorcycle world, (which I miss terribly!) there is a concept called “target fixation.” It means that if you are looking at that pothole or the cliff at the side of the road, that is where your bike will go.  Instead, you are taught to focus on the road ahead to anticipate where you will go and how to get out of any dangerous situation.

The same is true for personal goals, relationship goals, financial goals. In fact, there’s a great Spanish quote which translates loosely as, “What you resist, persists.”  Take your new positive thinking skills and focus on what you DO want. If you find yourself thinking negatively, try to catch yourself and turn it around into a positive framework. In fact, I did that with this article. Too many sources I found framed this as “it’s a mistake to focus on what you don’t want.” Why not just say, “Focus on what you want”?

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.

~Willie Nelson

Take personal responsibility for change.

Too many people blame other people or circumstances for their ‘bad luck.’ I think this is just because they feel deep down like they are powerless to effect any change. I’m so sad when I see this, but at the same time some people are just happier when they can complain. It takes all the responsibility off their own shoulders to change what they don’t like about their life.

Once you start to take full responsibility for the outcome of your life, you will train your mind to find the solutions to whatever problems you are facing. After all, with no one else to blame, there is also no one else to stop you from making the changes that you want to make, right?

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.

~Theodore Roosevelt

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. How have you gotten through a road block? What worked for you to get back on the horse? Please comment in the box below or e-mail me – kristi@kristiseehafer.com.

Next time – goal setting in depth.

Stressed out!

Posted on by
Reply

Stressed outMusicians do a lot of odd jobs in order to be able to pursue their dreams. Funny thing though – I never realized just how stressful it was going to be to become a professional orchestral musician. I was trying to explain this to my oncologist the other day. Stress, after all, does affect the immune system, and I need every bit of my immune system to make sure that I stay cancer-free. WHY it’s so stressful is fodder for ten other blogs, believe me. THAT it is stressful is why I am changing my life.

I’ve been keeping a journal since 1988. Apparently I’ve not been happy with my job for a very long time. In 1993, after a very disappointing “almost” in an audition in Fort Worth, I wrote that I would probably do my Nashville job for another year or two and then go to nursing school. 1993.

Fast forward to 2013. We all know how life gets in the way.  We get seduced by a regular paycheck, benefits, and all that, and before you know it, 20 years have gone by. Still in the same job. Well, at least I tried. I was in school, starting the process that would hopefully lead to a physician’s assistant degree, when I was diagnosed.  If for no other reason, I knew I couldn’t continue because I needed health insurance, and I wasn’t going to be able to be a student and buy my own health insurance now that I was going to have a history of cancer.

We should never let easy money make up for a bad job. And believe me, my job is way better than most. (At least for now…) That’s why I’m always looking for multiple streams of income, and I’ve had pretty good luck at it. I’m taking steps to control my own destiny – my own health insurance, my own income, my own schedule. It’s how I’m de-stressing my life.

The Immune system and cancer

Overall, my doctor is extremely happy with how I’m doing, especially considering how sick I was. He’s always been very positive. But he gave me a gentle admonishment about lowering my stress levels.  According to Mitch Golant and Dr. Melissa Weiss, there is no direct stress-cancer link. However, stress does affect your immune system, and to paraphrase my doctor, you need your immune system in fighting shape. The classic example of stress leading to illness is “vacation flu” – you work really hard right up until you get some time off, and your body says “enough!” and you end up in bed while your friends are on the beach.

In my mind, cancer is a disease of the immune system. Most cancer experts will tell you that we all have cancer cells in our body, but a function immune system gets rid of them.  It’s when the immune system is overloaded that the trouble begins.

How to relieve stress

We all have stress in our lives. There is good stress, like running around planning a birthday party and shopping for gifts. Then there is bad stress – perhaps you have a constant struggle with finances, or you are in a difficult relationship. So what are some ways that we can cope with our stress to make sure that our immune system is there when we need it?

  • Meditation

There is a fantastic website, Alternative-Cancer-Care.com, that has a ton of information from a non-Western medicine slant. While I do not agree with everything on the website, I can say that I was helped immensely by the meditation CD they sell. I firmly believe in the body-mind connection, and I believe I can do anything I set my mind to. Like beating stage 4 cancer.

  • Diet

Bad dietWow, this is a can of worms. There are so many people out there who claim to have THE diet, or THE cure, or THE whatever. I’m sick of hearing it. Even one of the biggies, the connection between alcohol and breast cancer, is being questioned. (or is it just wishful thinking on my part?). The bottom line? Perhaps what my very Lutheran grandmother always said – everything in moderation. Of course it makes sense that broccoli is better for you than ice cream, but as long as you don’t overdo it, perhaps it will reduce your stress, which is a very good thing. Besides, worrying about every bite you take can cause stress.  Don’t want that, do we?

  • Exercise

exerciseNot only will exercise help keep your weight under control, but you can work off all that excess energy your body produces when you are restraining yourself from choke somebody who obviously needs it. There are multiple benefits to exercise, according the Mayo Clinic. Swimming can be especially good for also stretching out any muscles and tendons that were mangled during surgery. Screaming at stupid drivers during rush hour is NOT considered exercise.

My #1 stress reducer

teddy roosevelt laughingLaughter. As my favorite humorist Mark Twain wrote, “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”

Try to laugh every day. Find the humor in a bad situation. Be silly. Play with your dog, or if you don’t have one, play with your friend’s dog. Read a funny book. Ask your friends to make you laugh. Do whatever it takes, but laugh every day.

 

Until next time, laugh!

 

Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life

Posted on by
Reply

Kristiseehafer.comLast month, I posted “How is Life is Like a Game of FreeCell Solitaire?”. At that time I was only up to 22 games, after a previous run record of 15 games.

Well, I am here to report that with just that one small mindset change, I am now up to  221 games.

Previous record, 15 games. New record, 221 games and counting. Now, my chemo-addled brain doesn’t remember enough of my statistics class to figure out the percentage improvement, but I know it’s a lot. Like, I wish my income would go up by that much every year. Of course it’s still a long way from the record of over 12,000 games in a row, but who’s counting?

The point is that you can change your mindset as simply as flipping a switch. There is all sorts of stuff out there on the interwebs about how to change your mindset, and why to change your mindset, and how many steps it takes to change your mindset. But now that I have the experience of this sudden change, I know it can be done in one simple step.

Step 1. JUST DO IT.

Perhaps I’ve always had that characteristic in my personality. I know I’m a much more positive person now than before the Big C. And I have to be honest – not everything in my life has been this simple. If it were, I’d weigh 125 pounds and own that Tesla I’m after. Personal development gurus always tell us that it’s desire that is ultimately necessary for change. No doubt that is a part of it. But the rest of it doesn’t have to painful and angst-ridden.

It’s very simple:

Step 1. JUST DO IT